Jesus is 2008 years and 18 hours old. you know, give or take.
I'm going to write more consistently in 2009 than I did in 2008. maybe.
I hope today is wonderful for you. :)
12.25.2008
8.27.2008
I never cease to be amazed
"In April, scientists from around the world met in Norway at the first international In Vitro Meat Symposium to discuss the potential for mass-producing lab-grown meat... Researchers predict that that, within a few years, meat could be grown in giant bioreactors for about $5,500 a ton... At about $3.50 a pound, that's less than what most consumers now pay for hamburger."
this is what I read last night in vegnews magazine before falling asleep. I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares. this process is disgusting to think about - almost as disgusting as analyzing where real meat comes from.
it'd be good for the cows, of course, if meat was to be only grown in labs. better for the environment - more available land, more forests, less greenhouse gases, etc. but ew, it's going to take a lot of really amazing PR work for "franken-meat," as it was dubbed by l.a. times columnist patt morrison, to be a success consumer-wise.
also, as americans, we eat too much meat. this is hardly a point of debate. it's one of the main reasons that a lot of vegetarians and vegans choose to eat the way they do. lab-grown meat completely undermines the health aspect of being vegetarian.
and a side note: don't have ben and jerry's "lighten up" chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt for breakfast, especially when it's the last thing you ate before falling asleep.
this is what I read last night in vegnews magazine before falling asleep. I'm surprised I didn't have nightmares. this process is disgusting to think about - almost as disgusting as analyzing where real meat comes from.
it'd be good for the cows, of course, if meat was to be only grown in labs. better for the environment - more available land, more forests, less greenhouse gases, etc. but ew, it's going to take a lot of really amazing PR work for "franken-meat," as it was dubbed by l.a. times columnist patt morrison, to be a success consumer-wise.
also, as americans, we eat too much meat. this is hardly a point of debate. it's one of the main reasons that a lot of vegetarians and vegans choose to eat the way they do. lab-grown meat completely undermines the health aspect of being vegetarian.
and a side note: don't have ben and jerry's "lighten up" chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt for breakfast, especially when it's the last thing you ate before falling asleep.
8.04.2008
to those concerned for my sanity:
I wonder how it is that people still find so much value and wisdom in the writings of shakespeare or the musings of philosophers from thousands of years ago. how is it that what jesus said is still so relevant, so completely relevant. and how is it that the words of peter maurin, spoken more than 60 years ago, are able to describe me and my life at this moment more accurately than anything I could ever say.
"if I am crazy, it is because I refuse to be crazy in the same way that the world has gone crazy."
it can be frustrating to have conversations about the changes I've made and am making in my life. I hate that I feel like I'm using buzzwords or clichés to describe what is important to me. I feel like the majority of the people around me either care about the same things as me already, or they've been so overwhelmed by talk about "social justice" that it's like some kind of wall goes up as soon as the conversation begins. people hear what I say from behind the wall, with qualifications attached.
"yes, sweatshops are a very sad reality.. but they are a reality. and it's unrealistic to try and change all of your buying habits."
"mm, I know, that whole burma cyclone thing is just awful.. but you were in thailand so it's natural that you'd be more upset about this than normal people. plus you're still going through culture shock. things will settle down for you soon."
some people look at me like I'm crazy, caring so much about this stuff. it's like there's this unspoken, probably unconscious, justifying thought in their minds that makes my decisions seem unnecessary or absurd: "it doesn't affect you."
why won't you buy a $7 shirt at old navy? that seems a bit extreme.. it's just a shirt. plus it's already here, the damage is already done, you don't change anything by not buying it and it doesn't affect you anyway.
why won't you buy a mango? it's from thailand - you love mangoes! seriously, it's just a mango. plus it's already here, the fuel to fly it half-way around the world has already been used, the damage is already done and it doesn't affect you anyway.
it does affect me. it does a thousand times over.
I'm not just me. I'm not just me, going to my little college, interacting with my little circle of american friends and family, in my little bubble of a life. I am so much bigger than that. I am infinite. I am infinite because my God is infinite and my family is infinite, stretching over time and space. my brothers and sisters are abraham and sarah, mary magdalene and peter, francis of assisi and mother teresa, p'wara and p'jim, bunyalit and daa. I have thousands, yes millions of brothers and sisters that I have never met and will never meet in this stage of life. but that doesn't make them any less a part of my family. and just because I haven't looked into their eyes or know their names does not mean that it doesn't affect me. if they are hurting - if you are hurting - then I am hurting, because "my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together."
"if I am crazy, it is because I refuse to be crazy in the same way that the world has gone crazy."
it can be frustrating to have conversations about the changes I've made and am making in my life. I hate that I feel like I'm using buzzwords or clichés to describe what is important to me. I feel like the majority of the people around me either care about the same things as me already, or they've been so overwhelmed by talk about "social justice" that it's like some kind of wall goes up as soon as the conversation begins. people hear what I say from behind the wall, with qualifications attached.
"yes, sweatshops are a very sad reality.. but they are a reality. and it's unrealistic to try and change all of your buying habits."
"mm, I know, that whole burma cyclone thing is just awful.. but you were in thailand so it's natural that you'd be more upset about this than normal people. plus you're still going through culture shock. things will settle down for you soon."
some people look at me like I'm crazy, caring so much about this stuff. it's like there's this unspoken, probably unconscious, justifying thought in their minds that makes my decisions seem unnecessary or absurd: "it doesn't affect you."
why won't you buy a $7 shirt at old navy? that seems a bit extreme.. it's just a shirt. plus it's already here, the damage is already done, you don't change anything by not buying it and it doesn't affect you anyway.
why won't you buy a mango? it's from thailand - you love mangoes! seriously, it's just a mango. plus it's already here, the fuel to fly it half-way around the world has already been used, the damage is already done and it doesn't affect you anyway.
it does affect me. it does a thousand times over.
I'm not just me. I'm not just me, going to my little college, interacting with my little circle of american friends and family, in my little bubble of a life. I am so much bigger than that. I am infinite. I am infinite because my God is infinite and my family is infinite, stretching over time and space. my brothers and sisters are abraham and sarah, mary magdalene and peter, francis of assisi and mother teresa, p'wara and p'jim, bunyalit and daa. I have thousands, yes millions of brothers and sisters that I have never met and will never meet in this stage of life. but that doesn't make them any less a part of my family. and just because I haven't looked into their eyes or know their names does not mean that it doesn't affect me. if they are hurting - if you are hurting - then I am hurting, because "my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together."
7.27.2008
life at 21 looks different than it did at 18
the other night I was on the phone with my mom and I understood, for the hundredth time, that things are not as they used to be.
we were talking, and I said something about the united states and how I have trouble saying "we" when talking about the actions of the government. like, "we're spending 300 million dollars a day on the war in iraq" or "our priorities are skewed." because I'm not spending 300 million dollars daily and my priorities aren't skewed. (well, they probably are, but not in the same way as the u.s. government's.) I can't say "we" because I just can't identify with all that.
my mom didn't get it really, so I referenced something I read in one of shane claiborne's books, the bit about how as christians, our "we" changes to mean the family of god. it makes it hard to say things like "our troops" when your "we" is the body of the non-violent jesus.
"don't you think it's possible," she said, "to be both christian and support your country?"
and there it is -- that's the thing! is it?
"I don't know," I answered. "but for me, it's really hard to disagree with the majority of the u.s. government's policies and still say the pledge of allegiance."
I think she thinks I'm planning to overthrow the government.
no, she knows I couldn't motivate myself enough to pull off something that big.
I think she thinks I'm planning to support someone who's planning to overthrow the government.
I also think she thinks I'm in a phase. like, a liberal hippie college-aged phase. and that eventually I'll move back to new england and own a house. with a fence and a yard. and a dog.
and who knows, maybe I will.
I sure don't think so though.
we were talking, and I said something about the united states and how I have trouble saying "we" when talking about the actions of the government. like, "we're spending 300 million dollars a day on the war in iraq" or "our priorities are skewed." because I'm not spending 300 million dollars daily and my priorities aren't skewed. (well, they probably are, but not in the same way as the u.s. government's.) I can't say "we" because I just can't identify with all that.
my mom didn't get it really, so I referenced something I read in one of shane claiborne's books, the bit about how as christians, our "we" changes to mean the family of god. it makes it hard to say things like "our troops" when your "we" is the body of the non-violent jesus.
"don't you think it's possible," she said, "to be both christian and support your country?"
and there it is -- that's the thing! is it?
"I don't know," I answered. "but for me, it's really hard to disagree with the majority of the u.s. government's policies and still say the pledge of allegiance."
I think she thinks I'm planning to overthrow the government.
no, she knows I couldn't motivate myself enough to pull off something that big.
I think she thinks I'm planning to support someone who's planning to overthrow the government.
I also think she thinks I'm in a phase. like, a liberal hippie college-aged phase. and that eventually I'll move back to new england and own a house. with a fence and a yard. and a dog.
and who knows, maybe I will.
I sure don't think so though.
6.19.2008
a lot can happen in three months
when I last posted, I was getting ready to leave my thai family and hit the road for a week of traveling around thailand before settling down in a village for the month of april. tons has happened since then, so I'll try to cover the highlights:
I remember travel week (which was really only 5 days long, not 7) as a series of snapshot memories: riding for hours at a time on a huge charter bus with the 30 other SSTers - fern refusing to speak to caleb for feeding a monkey fish oil pills until it threw up - staying at a different 5-star hotel each night, complete with swimming pool - the boys cutting their hair in absurd (doesn't even begin to describe it) ways - going to the train station to buy tickets for spring break and finally making back to our bangkok hotel, traumatized after spending an hour in a taxi driven by a man who was in no way the man in his license picture. it was a whirlwind, but it was good.
spring break was excellent, absolutely everything most people would want a vacation in thailand to be: beautiful beaches, fresh juices, inexpensive accommodations and friendly service. we did, of course, experience our fair share of the unexpected: last-minute changes of plans, vicodin-worthy sunburns, rastafarian bars, way-too-friendly canadian tourists, and a middle-of-the-night cabin ambush by what I still maintain was an overly playful monkey. throw in a snorkeling trip around four of the most beautiful islands off the coast of southern thailand and a sunrise easter service with 10 great friends and you've got yourself a good picture of my little vacation.
this brings us to our month in the village. the first two weeks were full of 'classes' and mini field trips, and just general getting-adjusted lounging time. then came songkran. let me take a paragraph to explain the absurdity:
some things in thailand would be impossible to recreate in the states. the driving habits, for example. they're crazy, the thais, and they drive ridiculously, but it works for them. there's no sign of road rage whatsoever. similarly, there is nothing like songkran in the states, nor could there ever be without huge amounts of violence breaking out. songkran is the thai new year. this festive occasion is marked with water-throwing. it has religious roots - water is often used as a blessing in buddhism, not unlike baptism in christianity. the religious benefits are entirely secondary now, as the one and only motive seems to be soaking everyone else from head to toe. all of thailand celebrates it, but nowhere as avidly as in chiang mai. do not go to chiang mai for at least a week before OR after the thai new year unless you want to be completely drenched in water the entire time, which is a thing most westerners do not enjoy. we spent four days in chiang mai during songkran. it was wet, and marvelous. [for a tiny glimpse of the madness, click here. this is the street that surrounds the moat in chiang mai. the truck in the foreground is full of thai people throwing what is most likely ice-cold water. the toyota to the right is one of our trucks. and beyond that is people packing the street for miles and miles.]
after songkran we were back in the village for two weeks, conducting interviews and writing ethnographic research papers like the anthropologists we are. it was good, tiring, boring and exciting, all at once.. hard to explain, but that's the best I can do. then there was some issue between me, rachel and china airlines about return flights back to the states, but God is faithful, and it worked out as we were both hoping it would.
on may 3rd I landed in LA, spent a couple days with friends, and then finally made it home to maine. I spent two weeks catching up with friends and family, playing card games, unpacking, repacking, and then flew off to ecuador for two weeks with my dad and sister. we visited my dad's side of the family, who basically all live down there. I met cousins for the first time, and caught up with uncles and aunts I haven't seen in years. it was awesome. it probably deserves a post of its own, but I'm anxious to start concentrating on my summer in philly, so I'll just leave it at that.
before I do, there's one more thing that needs saying: my best friend in all the world, lila janeen duke (of america III) is MARRIED! on june 14 lila and cobey had a beautiful ceremony and are now officially mr. and mrs. stephen cobey monden. absolutely wonderful for her, but to my great disappointment, lila dropped her last name completely and is now in no way a duke. perhaps I'll pick it up if I ever make it over to city hall for a name-changing. (for pics of the blessed event, click here.)
so here I am! in north philly once again. it feels like home, and I love it. I get to live with laura all summer, a rooming situation which is fantastic and long overdue. if you're ever in the area and want to stop in, please do! I'd love to have you. :)
also, an announcement: I'm changing the URL address for this blog. the new address is now kaitlinmbwheeler.blogspot.com.
I remember travel week (which was really only 5 days long, not 7) as a series of snapshot memories: riding for hours at a time on a huge charter bus with the 30 other SSTers - fern refusing to speak to caleb for feeding a monkey fish oil pills until it threw up - staying at a different 5-star hotel each night, complete with swimming pool - the boys cutting their hair in absurd (doesn't even begin to describe it) ways - going to the train station to buy tickets for spring break and finally making back to our bangkok hotel, traumatized after spending an hour in a taxi driven by a man who was in no way the man in his license picture. it was a whirlwind, but it was good.
spring break was excellent, absolutely everything most people would want a vacation in thailand to be: beautiful beaches, fresh juices, inexpensive accommodations and friendly service. we did, of course, experience our fair share of the unexpected: last-minute changes of plans, vicodin-worthy sunburns, rastafarian bars, way-too-friendly canadian tourists, and a middle-of-the-night cabin ambush by what I still maintain was an overly playful monkey. throw in a snorkeling trip around four of the most beautiful islands off the coast of southern thailand and a sunrise easter service with 10 great friends and you've got yourself a good picture of my little vacation.
this brings us to our month in the village. the first two weeks were full of 'classes' and mini field trips, and just general getting-adjusted lounging time. then came songkran. let me take a paragraph to explain the absurdity:
some things in thailand would be impossible to recreate in the states. the driving habits, for example. they're crazy, the thais, and they drive ridiculously, but it works for them. there's no sign of road rage whatsoever. similarly, there is nothing like songkran in the states, nor could there ever be without huge amounts of violence breaking out. songkran is the thai new year. this festive occasion is marked with water-throwing. it has religious roots - water is often used as a blessing in buddhism, not unlike baptism in christianity. the religious benefits are entirely secondary now, as the one and only motive seems to be soaking everyone else from head to toe. all of thailand celebrates it, but nowhere as avidly as in chiang mai. do not go to chiang mai for at least a week before OR after the thai new year unless you want to be completely drenched in water the entire time, which is a thing most westerners do not enjoy. we spent four days in chiang mai during songkran. it was wet, and marvelous. [for a tiny glimpse of the madness, click here. this is the street that surrounds the moat in chiang mai. the truck in the foreground is full of thai people throwing what is most likely ice-cold water. the toyota to the right is one of our trucks. and beyond that is people packing the street for miles and miles.]
after songkran we were back in the village for two weeks, conducting interviews and writing ethnographic research papers like the anthropologists we are. it was good, tiring, boring and exciting, all at once.. hard to explain, but that's the best I can do. then there was some issue between me, rachel and china airlines about return flights back to the states, but God is faithful, and it worked out as we were both hoping it would.
on may 3rd I landed in LA, spent a couple days with friends, and then finally made it home to maine. I spent two weeks catching up with friends and family, playing card games, unpacking, repacking, and then flew off to ecuador for two weeks with my dad and sister. we visited my dad's side of the family, who basically all live down there. I met cousins for the first time, and caught up with uncles and aunts I haven't seen in years. it was awesome. it probably deserves a post of its own, but I'm anxious to start concentrating on my summer in philly, so I'll just leave it at that.
before I do, there's one more thing that needs saying: my best friend in all the world, lila janeen duke (of america III) is MARRIED! on june 14 lila and cobey had a beautiful ceremony and are now officially mr. and mrs. stephen cobey monden. absolutely wonderful for her, but to my great disappointment, lila dropped her last name completely and is now in no way a duke. perhaps I'll pick it up if I ever make it over to city hall for a name-changing. (for pics of the blessed event, click here.)
so here I am! in north philly once again. it feels like home, and I love it. I get to live with laura all summer, a rooming situation which is fantastic and long overdue. if you're ever in the area and want to stop in, please do! I'd love to have you. :)
also, an announcement: I'm changing the URL address for this blog. the new address is now kaitlinmbwheeler.blogspot.com.
3.12.2008
perhaps the only pre-village post I will be able to write
one of the things that I love about my thai sisters is how well I fit in with them. I am convinced that I was always a part of this family, but being on the other side of the world, I simply wasn't aware of it. just the other night, for example, pear was in the kitchen reading diligently from a french desserts cook-book (written in thai) explaining how to make some sort of chocolatey pastry puff. part of the recipe required a HUGE block of dark chocolate. needless to say, pim and I quickly became very excited about pear's baking skills and went into the kitchen to lend emotional support to her endeavor.
me: "pear, you really like to bake chocolate things don't you?"
pear: "yes."
pim: "and I really like to eat chocolate things!" (we are one and the same, pim and I.)
another common interest between pim and myself is our love of the thrilling card game phase 10. a favorite among the members of my american mom's side of the fam, phase 10 is frequently played at holidays like thanksgiving and christmas.
my mother, being the nurturing woman that she is, sent a package halfway around the world to thailand. "Kaitlin Wheeler" it said on the outside, but lest you assume that this meant it was for me, let me list the contents:
- maple syrup in a maple leaf shaped glass bottle (which my thai dad promptly mistook for liquor)
- maple candy
- a stuffed moose (which I named murray and pim lovingly adopted)
- lobster-shaped gummies (if it's not swedish or a fish, it shouldn't be a red gummy)
- phase 10
- paper snowflakes (the kind you fold up, cut out and hang all over your 5th grade classroom)
- three len libby's chocolate heart lollipops (if you aren't from maine and thus are unfamiliar with len libby's, you are missing out)
- a thank-you card
guess how many items were for me? 1/3 of one. (in truth, I did eat more of the maple candy than anyone else in the family, but that's only because pear didn't like that it was pure sugar and pim didn't like that the maple flavor took away from the pure sugar taste.) as it turns out, the chocolate hearts were not for me and some friends, as I wrongly assumed, they were for me and my two sisters. given that the other 7 items in the package were for my family, and mostly of the maine-themed variety, you can understand my mistake. anyway, long story made short: pim loves phase 10. she quickly understood the rules, has the same favorite phase as me (8), and always thinks that I am cheating, even if all I'm doing is discarding.
I think it's about dinner time, so I'll sign off for now.
peace out cub scouts! (for des and aaron)
kait :)
me: "pear, you really like to bake chocolate things don't you?"
pear: "yes."
pim: "and I really like to eat chocolate things!" (we are one and the same, pim and I.)
another common interest between pim and myself is our love of the thrilling card game phase 10. a favorite among the members of my american mom's side of the fam, phase 10 is frequently played at holidays like thanksgiving and christmas.
my mother, being the nurturing woman that she is, sent a package halfway around the world to thailand. "Kaitlin Wheeler" it said on the outside, but lest you assume that this meant it was for me, let me list the contents:
- maple syrup in a maple leaf shaped glass bottle (which my thai dad promptly mistook for liquor)
- maple candy
- a stuffed moose (which I named murray and pim lovingly adopted)
- lobster-shaped gummies (if it's not swedish or a fish, it shouldn't be a red gummy)
- phase 10
- paper snowflakes (the kind you fold up, cut out and hang all over your 5th grade classroom)
- three len libby's chocolate heart lollipops (if you aren't from maine and thus are unfamiliar with len libby's, you are missing out)
- a thank-you card
guess how many items were for me? 1/3 of one. (in truth, I did eat more of the maple candy than anyone else in the family, but that's only because pear didn't like that it was pure sugar and pim didn't like that the maple flavor took away from the pure sugar taste.) as it turns out, the chocolate hearts were not for me and some friends, as I wrongly assumed, they were for me and my two sisters. given that the other 7 items in the package were for my family, and mostly of the maine-themed variety, you can understand my mistake. anyway, long story made short: pim loves phase 10. she quickly understood the rules, has the same favorite phase as me (8), and always thinks that I am cheating, even if all I'm doing is discarding.
I think it's about dinner time, so I'll sign off for now.
peace out cub scouts! (for des and aaron)
kait :)
2.08.2008
"kait.. if you have to stay in thailand forever.. do you like it?"
sa-wat-dii kha, people that I love!
february 6-7 was the chinese new year. my thai family is of chinese heritage, so we had a party. actually, it was two parties - wednesday night and thursday night. wednesday we had much family over for dinner, including my thai dad's mom, who's pretty old. she didn't talk to me too much. my thai cousins, in contrast, talked to me (or at least about me) quite a bit. this really started on thursday night, when the same family memebers, minus the grandmother, came over again for another round of card games. I was the at center of a lot of conversation (and jokes) as the family got more comfortable with me (and their heineken.) I included myself in conversation when I could, using my minimal thai skills. I think it was appreciated. a favorite memory would be the point at which they made the switch to calling me "kait" instead of "farang."
I'm in the process of solidifying spring break plans. me, evelyn, erin, and gavin, along with a couple special guests from the western hemisphere, will be spending our spring break on the island of Phi Phi, off the coast of southern thailand. I'm trying to figure out a better way to pronounce the island's name, but I've not had much luck so far.. let me know if you come up with anything. regardless, it should be a really fun time, and I'm looking forward to it. (sb08!)
the SST program ends may 3. from may 3 to may 10 I'll be traveling around southern thailand with desiree and some others. I'm really excited about that week already. today we visited four temples in chaing mai in under 3 hours. (temple-hopping, if you will.) I had a really hard time focusing on what was going on, since there were 30 of us. it's distracting to travel in a group of that size, so I'm really looking forward to a time when I'll get to experience thailand a little bit more on my own. I think a group of 5 will be much more conducive to really taking everything in.
one of the topics of our classes at CMU has been buddhism. it's been really interesting, but something surprised me. I think I was expecting to agree with buddhist philosophy a lot more than I do. one thing that is pretty central to buddhism is the idea of karma. using a loose definition of the word, I agree with karma; I fully believe that you will get back the words/actions/energies that you put out there in the world. within buddhism is the belief that you are born into each life based on the amount of good karma you accumulated in your previous life. following the logic, this means that people born with disabilities or terminal illnesses are born that way because of bad karma from a previous life. this leads to the abandonment of many babies born HIV-positive. and once in orphanages, thai families will not adopt them because that would be willingly bringing very bad karma into your home. also, this idea about being born "where you belong" leads to acceptance of the extreme differences between social classes. this is often accompanied by fatalism, which I believe to be poisonous to society. lastly, it is considered better to be born into life as a man than as a woman. this sets up an inherent inequality between men and women. (desiree and I are never left without things to talk about!)
about a week ago, my 18-year-old thai sister turned around from the front seat of the car and asked me, "kait.. if you have to stay in thailand forever.. do you like it?" I've been thinking about that question. I really love it here. I'm actually surprised at the amount of connectedness I feel to this place in such a short period of time. I already know that when I leave in may, I will miss it terribly. in regards to "forever," I'm not yet sure. my life is incredibly uncertain right now. but for the first time in years, I'm truly grateful for the uncertainty. it's forcing me to let go of things (people, places, planning, etc,) and teaching me to only want what God has given me for right now. I know He'll give me the next step; He always does.
peace :)
february 6-7 was the chinese new year. my thai family is of chinese heritage, so we had a party. actually, it was two parties - wednesday night and thursday night. wednesday we had much family over for dinner, including my thai dad's mom, who's pretty old. she didn't talk to me too much. my thai cousins, in contrast, talked to me (or at least about me) quite a bit. this really started on thursday night, when the same family memebers, minus the grandmother, came over again for another round of card games. I was the at center of a lot of conversation (and jokes) as the family got more comfortable with me (and their heineken.) I included myself in conversation when I could, using my minimal thai skills. I think it was appreciated. a favorite memory would be the point at which they made the switch to calling me "kait" instead of "farang."
I'm in the process of solidifying spring break plans. me, evelyn, erin, and gavin, along with a couple special guests from the western hemisphere, will be spending our spring break on the island of Phi Phi, off the coast of southern thailand. I'm trying to figure out a better way to pronounce the island's name, but I've not had much luck so far.. let me know if you come up with anything. regardless, it should be a really fun time, and I'm looking forward to it. (sb08!)
the SST program ends may 3. from may 3 to may 10 I'll be traveling around southern thailand with desiree and some others. I'm really excited about that week already. today we visited four temples in chaing mai in under 3 hours. (temple-hopping, if you will.) I had a really hard time focusing on what was going on, since there were 30 of us. it's distracting to travel in a group of that size, so I'm really looking forward to a time when I'll get to experience thailand a little bit more on my own. I think a group of 5 will be much more conducive to really taking everything in.
one of the topics of our classes at CMU has been buddhism. it's been really interesting, but something surprised me. I think I was expecting to agree with buddhist philosophy a lot more than I do. one thing that is pretty central to buddhism is the idea of karma. using a loose definition of the word, I agree with karma; I fully believe that you will get back the words/actions/energies that you put out there in the world. within buddhism is the belief that you are born into each life based on the amount of good karma you accumulated in your previous life. following the logic, this means that people born with disabilities or terminal illnesses are born that way because of bad karma from a previous life. this leads to the abandonment of many babies born HIV-positive. and once in orphanages, thai families will not adopt them because that would be willingly bringing very bad karma into your home. also, this idea about being born "where you belong" leads to acceptance of the extreme differences between social classes. this is often accompanied by fatalism, which I believe to be poisonous to society. lastly, it is considered better to be born into life as a man than as a woman. this sets up an inherent inequality between men and women. (desiree and I are never left without things to talk about!)
about a week ago, my 18-year-old thai sister turned around from the front seat of the car and asked me, "kait.. if you have to stay in thailand forever.. do you like it?" I've been thinking about that question. I really love it here. I'm actually surprised at the amount of connectedness I feel to this place in such a short period of time. I already know that when I leave in may, I will miss it terribly. in regards to "forever," I'm not yet sure. my life is incredibly uncertain right now. but for the first time in years, I'm truly grateful for the uncertainty. it's forcing me to let go of things (people, places, planning, etc,) and teaching me to only want what God has given me for right now. I know He'll give me the next step; He always does.
peace :)
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